What the writer sent me.

What I gave back!

     Anticipation filled his stomach as the 737 banked left, and he saw Mexico City for the first time. As the jet descended, his eyes scanned the miles of buildings and seemingly endless roads that intertwined like thousands of snakes, writhing in the hot afternoon sun. His vision got clearer, more lucid the closer the got to the ground.

     "Wake up Jade!" Theus said as he lightly poked her in the ribs. "We’re getting ready to land!"

     She slowly opened her eyes, bright sunlight reflected off the clouds making her squint, "All right!" she barked louder than she wanted to. The frustration of being married to a writer was more than annoying; it was creating a gap between them.

     They had agreed to go on a vacation, to relax and spend time together, or so she had originally thought. [editor’s note: 2 pages follow, with point-of-view shifting between Theus and Jade, giving background info that could be presented later, before continuing with opening scene of novel:]

     Theus was somewhere else though so he didn’t hear her. His bizarre gift for finding strange and grotesque things around everyday situations was blossoming again. He had spotted an eagle, a very large golden eagle, about fifty feet away on the other side of the runway. Theus had seen many eagles before but this one had a great slithering snake between its mighty talons. As he squinted to avoid the glare off the tarmac, he managed to see that it was an enormous diamond back rattlesnake. Just about the time his eyes dilated, the great eagle turned its mighty head and looked toward him. Its eyes seemed void of reason as it peered through his soul.

     Bad thoughts went through his head, What if something does go wrong down here?

     "Take it! Hurry up!" Jade demanded as she shoved his small backpack at him. People started to push and shove her from behind. She had become red-faced and agitated by his seemingly selfish behavior.

     Shrouded in thick urban smog, Mexico City was a maze of buildings and roads that intertwined like writhing serpents. Theus leaned closer to the window as the jet touched down on sunbaked tarmac. Through the heat haze, he saw a big golden eagle on the other side of the runway. It had a great slithering snake between its mighty talons -- a diamond-back rattlesnake. As Theus squinted in the glare off the asphalt, the eagle turned its head and looked toward him. Its eyes seemed void of reason, peering through his soul. He shuddered.

     The huge bird grabbed the head of the rattler with its razor-sharp beak, shaking it violently. Pieces of the snake went flying. The reptile went limp, now food for the eagle.

     "Hurry up! Help me with this!" Jade shoved his knapsack at Theus. People were pushing and jostling from behind.

[editor’s note: This writer, like many others, was not trusting his dramatic material to "hook" the reader, and was over-explaining with narrative. We found more effective ways to introduce personal histories later in the novel. The writer had requested both structural advice and a later line-edit for polish, and he was eager to learn in the process. The revisions were rewarding for both of us! ]